i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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