I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
