i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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