I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
