and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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