you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
