I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
