now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
