Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
