D3 body, D1 cock
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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