Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
