I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
