i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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