is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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