He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
