it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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