Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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