it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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