dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
