I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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