I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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