Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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