I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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