I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
