i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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