One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
