Are we in a gay sports bar?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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