i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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