fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
