Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
