pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
