You're my little dorito
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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