I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
