k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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