I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
