you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
