yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
