My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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