what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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