when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize