I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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