Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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