i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
