I'm gonna have a badass scar
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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