Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
