New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pooping to opera.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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