I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Houston, we have a blender
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
