Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
