cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
