I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
