I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Less talking, more tequila
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
