guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
