chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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