I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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