After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
