i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
