five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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