Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
