At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
