Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
