i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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